» The Apparelman

Think twice the next time you put on all those Ironman pieces.

You all know them. You’ve seen them many, many times before, several of them in fact. Some of them are more offensive than others.They are the Ironman Apparelmen and, to be fair, Apparelwomen. But, to make things easier, let’s simply bunch up the genders into one group and call them the Apparelmen. They are the ones you see at race expos who can’t wear enough Ironman branded clothing.

Once you complete an Ironman, full distance or half-Ironman distance, you’ve got the green light to wear an M-dot logo from here on out. However, if you do a non-Ironman event at the same distance, 70.3 or 140.6, (i.e.: Wildflower Long Course, the Full Vineman, the Soma Half Triathlon, etc.), you cannot officially call yourself an Ironman or wear any Ironman branded gear. Gotta do an official Ironman sponsored event. Sorry, but that’s corporate America today and the genius of the Ironman image.

Okay, to clarify a little, an M-dot is the ‘M’ in the Ironman logo with a little dot above it that’s supposed to be you. It symbolizes the Ironman Triathlon, but most people only think of Ironman as the World Championships in Kona, Hawaii. And, it’s amazing how so many people don’t know that the other full Ironman’s are actually the same distance as Hawaii. But, that’s beside the point. A true Apparelman will most likely have both the Ironman 140.6 & 70.3 series logos affixed to their clothing somewhere.

When I first got into triathlon I’d revel at these people, the Apparelmen.Obviously, their accomplishments must’ve been grand hence the collage of M-dot embroidered logos pasted on each item of clothing they would wear. I wanted to be like them, I wanted to become an Apparelman! I’d wonder how fast they were at the race that they were sporting a cap from, or how tough that day was while looking at their finisher T-shirt, but mostly, I’d wonder how the heck they got those sporty Ironman dolphin shorts?! Those didn’t look like the normal free clothing Ironman gives away to its finishers.

That’s when I realized that a true Apparelman will go out of their way to acquire Ironman branded clothing, whether it be a stylish M-dot polo T-shirt for a nice evening out on the town, or an M-dot sock because you never know who might see you with your shoes off, or even an M-dot finisher’s backpack to stuff all your other Ironman clothing into! Then I’d wonder if that was an M-dot multi-tool showing through that mesh Ironman backpack (it is just in case you’re wondering), but even if it isn’t, a true Apparelman will make up for it by loading everything into their Ironman branded jogging stroller. A true sign of their devotion to their M-dot lifestyle!

After my second year in triathlon, I no longer aspired to be an Apparelman. I grew tired of the constant M-dot commercialism I was barraged with whenever I’d stop by an expo to pick up my race packet. I eventually came up with a set of rules for myself so that I did not become part of the offensive Apparelman status.

Rule #1) only 1 Ironman logo is allowed per clothing ‘outfit’. (No special considerations will be made)
Rule #2) do not wear any Ironman finisher clothing to race expos.(do not become part of the problem)
Rule #3) less Ironman clothing, even none, is preferred. (you know you’re an Ironman, so express your confidence)
Rule #4) when in doubt; always refer to Rule #3. (again, be confident you stud, you)

For me, the Ironman finisher T-shirts and hats are great because that means I don’t have to shop for new clothes. For those of you like me who don’t like to spend money on casual clothing, this will work out to your advantage as well. Nowadays, my Ironman finisher T-shirts are worn in the privacy of my own home and I do not plan when to wear my latest finisher T-shirt. If I happen to have one on when it’s time to go out to eat that’s okay too, just as long as I did not make a conscious effort to put the shirt on beforehand. They are nothing more than a simple luxury for me and it’s the least Ironman can give you for their pricey entry fees. Call them pajamas if you will.

When I go to race expos nowadays I will try to wear a non-triathlon T-shirt and clothing. A Triathlon team T-shirt is perfectly okay as well as sponsorship clothing (not that I would know anything about that), but if you must express your Ironman love only 1 item of clothing is acceptable at expos.Anymore than that and you are risking being categorized as an Apparelman. This would be bad.

So my friends, before you head out to pick up your timing chip and race bib please be aware of your apparel choices during these high visibility events. Everyone at the expo knows you’re a triathlete, and if they don’t we’ll usually mention we are at some time in a conversation, so there’s no point in flashing your Ironman World Championships fleece jacket over your Ironman polo T-shirt, while sporting your Ironman Florida finisher’s cap and wearing your Ironman Wisconsin socks. There’s a point when this all becomes a tad too tacky and people start to wonder if you’ve gone far enough to secure an M-dot on your underwear!

Just remember, in Ironman, it’s finishing that matters most and once you’ve finished you can brag all about it for the rest of your life. Just don’t force everyone around you to realize you’re an Ironman because of the clothes you wear.

Written by Dave Platfoot